I killed her.

I killed her.

Today is such a bad day I don’t want to go on anymore. I want to see Gemma now. I need to hold her, smell her, talk to her and be her mommy. I’ve dreamed about her for so long. I was meant to be a mom, but I blew it. She’s gone. I never got to hear her laugh, her first word, crawling, walking, rolling over (without cheating), teach her how to count, see her first day of kindergarten.. I don’t deserve another child. I couldn’t even keep Gemma alive. She only lived for 9 weeks and 6 days. She wasn’t sick. She could have lived to 90 years old but I killed her. I may have not been there that night, but I put her on her tummy to sleep too. I made it “okay” for her to be on her tummy. I wish I never did and for that mistake it cost my baby her life. I don’t deserve another child. I’m a bad mom. I’m not even a mom anymore. I have no daughter and my milk is gone. I would give my own life if it meant she could come back. I don’t wanna be here. She was my world and reason to be mentally healthy and she’s gone. There is no point anymore.




The day she was born December 26th, 2017. The day I found true happiness and true love.


2 thoughts on “I killed her.

  1. Please don’t blame yourself. We can only do the best we can with the knowledge we had at the time xo


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s